No longer a dirty little secret

2011-03-18T19:44:00.000-07:00

A couple schools of thought have changed over the last few decades which I feel have made adoption a more viable choice for individuals facing an unplanned pregnancy. First is open adoption themselves. Open adoptions used to be few and far between. I can only assume this was based on fear perhaps from all parties involved (fear from the adoptive parents afraid of loosing a child and fear from the birthmom not wanting to face social stigma). Now a days, open adoption has become a lot more mainstream and I think it helps to contribute to more people choosing adoption. Gone are the days of wondering if you did the "right" thing or how your child is doing. I feel that more girls who find themselves in this situation are more apt to continue pregnancies and choose adoption when they know they will not be left in the dark, but get to play an active part in their child's life. I feel openness is a win-win for all parties involved. For the Birthmom they get to watch their child grow-up validating their decision. For the child they are no longer left with a slew of unknowns. And for the adopting couples they have an additional support (is there such a thing as too many people loving your child?) and probably more opportunities as more girls are willing to go for open adoptions.
Second is societies overall attitude towards becoming pregnant out of wedlock. While nobody is promoting it, people have come to the conclusion that it's going to happen. It has also been shown that the outcome of these situations is a lot more favorable when you support these individuals rather than trying to shame them. This amount of tolerance can make all the difference when a girl has to decide whether she wants to terminate or continue a pregnancy. I can't say that the stigma and subsequent shame are completely gone, and a lot of this depends on cultural variables, but it is far less than the days of having to be sequestered in a nunnery.
Regardless, no child should be treated as a dirty little secret. Sure, you could take the chance and lie to a child about them being adopted or about having placed a child for adoption but chances are these secrets will come out and damage will be done. Where as, if you enter into an adoption being completely open with EVERYONE the only possible result is acceptance.

Starting my Birth Mom blog!

2011-03-08T13:24:00.000-08:00

Now a days I wear many hats and all though Birth Mom is just one of them it's possibly the most important. The reason it deserves such a distinction is that so many other of my hats, if not all of them, would not have been possible had I not chosen to be a Birth Mom in the first place. It has been such an overwhelmingly positive force in my life that I want to share it with others so I'm going to try to squeeze my story and my thoughts into this blog. I'm trying to get the backstory done in "My Adoption Story", but it might take me awhile so bear with me.

I will, however, share with you my latest Birth Mom experience! I got to see "I" in her seventh grade play last weekend. This was no ordinary seventh grade play. She goes to a Waldorf School (http://www.whywaldorfworks.org/) which is extremely creative and artistic. The play took place in Italy during the Renaissance (which the dialog reflected) and was a comedy. Deep stuff for seventh grade but her class completely pulled it off. They were so engaging that even my 7 and 5 year olds, who probably didn't understand much of what was being said, thoroughly enjoyed themselves and had no problem sitting through the whole hour and a half! As for "I", her role was kind of the jilted (and then not so jilted) fair maiden. She did very well. She was fearless. She wore a long peach dress and with a little make-up, oh my gosh! She's looking so grown-up! I know I might be biased, but she is gorgeous! I almost felt sad for her parents as I could even see just how much their little girl is growing up. I'm sure it's bittersweet for them.
After the play, she showed off my girls to all her friends and of course my girls just ate up all the attention. They just adore "I" and are simply fascinated by her.
This was the first time I got to visit her school and the best I way can describe it is the next best thing to Hogwarts. It's like every child's dream school. She is one lucky girl. It's in a beautiful old neighborhood in a beautiful old building. The inside is filled with character and the Waldorf way made the classrooms and halls colorful and inspiring. Super cool.
It was a great night filled with great entertainment and the best company. Can't wait to do it again.

Proud Birth Mama

No longer a dirty little secret

Starting my Birth Mom blog!